The Wise one says…

Dont kno..what has got thru my had.. I am happy…content…a little dizzy…a lil sleepy…listening to coldplay…. ., feels like I just got home. And ..wtf? gotta get back to college this friday…. I dont wanna sleep…coz then I will miss on this great feeling I am having right now. Also..I will miss those hours of complete solitude I barely get. Its a bit nostalgic…I dont know for what?

May be I am .. thankful to all thats in my life…my friends…family…people who make difference in my life..and those lives which I touch. Sometimes..I just wonder…whats the purpose of all the hustle..all this unrest, this competition..this race to the end, I just wish I could just go and live in mountains fo rest of my life..in a lazy lazy town. May be it was abhishek’s blog entry which brought backt the memories of that great time in the twilight we had…

Waise..I had a hard time sleeping last night… I kept thinking of forrest gump..and ya idce. I saw forrest gump…and it made me wonder..people..live to succeed in their lives..but to succeed they just stop living. People around the world are happy with what they have…they are in their universe..self content. It makes me take a deep sigh..and makes me wonder…where I am heading. The I think of idce.and what I am supposed to do with this thing going on my life. I feel…weird coming back to college…so many feelings rushing to ..my senses…

You see star world..better watch out for the upcoming series “The IT crowd” ..coz just a promo inspired me to write the blg entries in when my blog undergoes an intellectual vacuum..a dark age.

So..here…in an IT firm…a blonde chic up for an interview.

“So..ehat all you know about computers..”

Replying in the voice of a beautiful,attractive,confident and independent businesswoman..

“Read mails , Erase mails, Send mails, make files, copy files, cut files, click..double click..I can go on..”

And yes she went on to become one of the IT crowd in the series.

The post is really not about her..but about me,my neighbors..and yes my folks.

Its not a very nice day when my mom gets on that chair and begins to reply her E-mails. Fortunately that is once in a month..but the day she does…you dont expect yourself to be immersed in any of your “personal” stuff. Say something and you end up getting talked about how many things she does for you. She opens up a word file and here you go….Every second you go to change the auto-indentation which actually ruin the document. Justification….and ya Clip arts. Weird but colorful smiling clip arts is what she loves to paste in her reports and diaries. Sometimes she searches the google images (Waise to I trust google) but you never know which photo turns up if she types something remotely vague. I always keep my fingers crossed..believe me…throat drying…me being all fidgety.

The day my dad comes in to print some stuff out..first of all he brags about his wpms…but put to test…it took him..15 minutes to type 10 lines. By the way, I never succumb to there repeated requests…you know to type stuff and all.

One fine day when Mom wanted me to type some 20 pages…and I flatly refused.

“You doing IT….cant even type 20 pages on word. I will ask someone from school.Why the hell we wanted you to be in IT at the first place…see…I can see Baaghbaan already thru my eyes…”

“Well..IT engineers never outsource there talent..unless its google And by the way..cut on those saas bahus”

Folks are not the only ..you know instances where you come across people pleading to use some of my digital marvels….. (No less than the blonde above)

A boy who opted for Computer Science ..live in the neighbourhood. I became the local hero the day I gave him turbo C. Unfortunately….he is a frequent visitor. Pissing me off with stuff like…

“DOS screen is black but turbo C is blue??” to which I replied (and he pretty much bought it) “Coz..its C…Sea is blue”

Another neighbor wanted to book etickets when he came to our place…and booked those….e-tickets. He was one of those few people who was kinda opening the desktop and hoping he would browse somehow.

Its charity work I believe…. Helping the people in need….After all….I love humanity..

I was talking to my friend the other day when I realized this strange phenomena…. on the internet.

Its called “my brain is dead meat..so shall be yours”

If you just dont understand what I am talking about, you better go and see your chat history and you will find a hell lot of Lolz..written there. And cherry on the icing is “hehehe”. I crack a joke..and to mask it as a joke (even its sheer exhibitionism of your sarcastic capability) by just sending this weird collection of letter lolz..

U read the joke..but probably too stoned to understand it…you read lolz an click click you send hehehe with a few ghastly smileys. Its like an acknowledgment, a symbol of you paying attention of whats being written when infact you are playing teen patti on orkut.

I see the brevity…the short lives of these phrases which are discovered everyday, played with and then thrown away in dump…being ripped apart from their meanings.

Thanks to the internet..our brains are dead. We ourselves have become really artificially intelligent (if u call it so), we are indifferent to whats being said, some lolz…some hehehe and thats the major part of our converstaion.

I remember , some time back when I was chatting eid some frnd of mine..I cracked a really witty comment (but I not being used to the dead brains lingo) I ignored the phrase Lolz..

Next day when i asked if he was taken aback by my comment this is what I got..

“Mujhe kya pata tera matlab….tune to lolz likha bhi nahin tha”

Brains are good…but nerves working like a binary circuit is..simply an irking pain in the ass hole of the whole humanity. LOLZ..

“Why so serious son…put a smile on your face” – says the joker slits across the lips..giving you a more of a surgical smile…and joker steals the show.

I am a self confessed batman fan… and yes batman can kick some superman ass anytime..and spiderman…Robin can take him down any day. Bruce Wayne..the multi millionaire in the movie The dark Night brings those batman comics nostalgia back to my senses. The sonar, the mask the batmobile….wow.

So…The Dark Knight…I believe was not batman but the other guy called Harvey Kent(for the reasons I dont wish to tell you). Joker….was fantabulous. Heath Ledger might get an oscar(posthumous ofcourse) for his jawdropping performance.

This joker is the real entertainer and makes people glue to this 2.5 hr long flick. Actually yes..even I was on the edge of my seat to see what the joker comes up with in the next frame.

Smart villain…with a well thought series of witty dialogues, unexpected sequences is all heath ledger delivers for good. I wish to see a whole feature on the joker…say the rise of the joker.

The movie could hav done away without the batman….

People say Heath Ledger spent a lot of time alone thinking as this Joker…and latter..He killed himself.

Its a loss…Heath Ledger…made the joker terrifying…terrifying monster. A genius….indeed.

As for the stunts….they are amazing…

A good movie….for sure.

Its our own Om Shanti Om we are playing here. We wrote…you read(I presume you read)  and so did the prince. The Prince ordered the counsel to remove the ad….Wait…what AD??

Thanks to Aseem  for the brains to put the tagline on the front page, thanks to Aanchal for not censoring the article, thanks to Ajay for not paying attention and biggest of them all..I take the credit of playing Salman Rushdie of own small make believe institute of wordclass education.

Here is the story…

The Prince was browsing thru the internet in his “happy hours” and guess what..he browsed through the edusite which happens to belong to his rival , the rival who was not crowned. The Prince could still sense the betrayal, the Bagawat ki aag..vidroh ka bawandar

. Prince was not happy….and look what he got..he got to read something like this in the buzz of the week

“Nirodh …Post valentine celebrations taken care of ” [Hats off people..glad it didnt read nirodh by nigam]

Prince had something to sabotage the rival. But the Rival was not in a mood to backoff..until…

HE IDENTIFIED THE NIRODH THING AS AN ADVERTISMENT. {hello…you could have clicked it..}

“My site..they put the ad on my site .and money goes to some bunch of looney, pervert, condom obsessed students…. Deewar mein chunva diya jaye is site ko”

It was all over… (aur Meri to band baj gayee thee).

We were summoned….in the rival’s  court. Gosh that was a room..

We were interrogated…(Or the prince was interrogating himself coz he was talking about himself..blah blah blah! I this I that, my research,my contacts,my site, my ego )

“Sir it was not an ad”

“America mein hota hoga, bhartiya sabhyata ke anusar nirodh ka naam lena, uske bare mein likhna, bolna paap hai”

“Sir it was about AIDS awareness” {Lame…but I tried it}

“Sir, all the worldclass institutions have online journal”

“Go and have one, try ac.in its official site…your own site. Leave my edu alone. You are corrupting the young mindes of INdia..and ya you putting up ads and fetching money[look at your watch, probably bought from that money you freak...give that to ..give that to me now] from my site”

“Sir it was not an ad”

“But still…people have done that to me..I trusted you…and look waht you did to me…and you didnt even paid me my share of ad money. Students have done this to me before..and now you…Good Gracious lord” Tears rolled his eyes..first his Kingdom, now his site being talked about all over the royal courtyards..and he didnt even got the royalty of the nonexistent condom ad put up by the iDCE.

“sir one thing…does the prince know about it?”

“Even if he did…its my site..none of his concern. I encourage you..go ahead and make your own site.”

iDCE is free…and  will strike back.  dotcoms we are coming….

I have just completed “The Odessa file” by frederick Forsyth.

About a reporter tracking down the ex Nazi personnels hiding under new names in the 60’s Germany. The book brought back the memories from the days when I was reading Anne frank. It really is a strange thing what one man crazy eith power can do to this world.

Since I have started this book….the focus of my efforts these days havs shifted to finding more and more about the holocaust. The gas chambers..the killings..the hangings. The Nazi party had an army inside the army called the SS. These guys played it mean and rough..and you better believe it.

These SS people had a security and Economy department which carried out the weirdest of stuff on the name of economy. Shaving hair from dead carcasses to make snow boots…using human bones as fertilizers. These people confiscated all the jew possessions..the gold fillings were removed and melted and converted to gold bars which are still said to be protected by the Swiss bankers. Security… ya..Nazis were feeling a little insecure about the Jews,Polish,Priests,Philosophers,Homosexuals,Yankees.. so they decided to gas them..

Its strange how the army lead by man of such will does to the people back home. I believe the man himself casted his own personal opinions ..likes..dislikes or beliefs way too strongly on the nations. The spell so strong that has left too many scars on the Human history. The craziest mass murders of all time shake the guts inside you. I looked at the pictures of Gas chambers…I looked at the pics of people being used as pigs for medical experiments.. i tjust pushes all air out of your lungs…something which I just cant imagine…or I am even afraid to be in such a situation.

The man talked of a social darwinistic ethnicc cleansing of whole Europe. Survival of the fittest…so they killled the minorities…they killed the unarmed!I

think of the collective guilt…the collective guilt in which all the Germans are made to live as if it were they who did all these crimes. But actually its a strategy of the ex Nazi who by the tactic of the collective guilt plan to escape the wrath of this world. The most coward men in the history. But if u examine closely…how does an army work?? Simple orders…to be executed. May be the person had not intended to make the wooden huts with nozzles obscured by furniture. Who is to be blamed ???

The book was drawing to a close whn a NAZI asks the protaganist.

“So it was not about Jews…at all.”

“But I am sorry for Jews…not that Sorry” says Peter Miller our blonde hero who acknowledges his brotherhood of the blondes by saying such.

This post is not gonna teach u about the chesesy pickup lines at all…. however the best one which a frnd of mine ccame across…. r is.. “If u wanna ride it safe…sit beside me”

But ..this post is about… things which kids pick up from TV and all.

I saw Jane tu… which had a an obscene use of college lingo. My 12 yr old cousin…picked up some words.phattu being one of them.and this is what happened.

We were watching Jack the ripper last night, when he asked me what “ripper” meant. I said to rip is to you know.. “Phadna: and guess what he said.

Oh…so ripper must mean a “phattu”

I told him not to use the word…but he did. He kinda took pride in sayin “I am the phattu….i will tear it all and bring down the house..Beware”

I was gasping for more air to rush into my lungs..I was laughing my heaa d off and I was so much realizing what harmless kid was sayin.

Everyobody loves this my I card… Its an asset to the whole wide world so i just put it up here.

Everybody say this pic is a piece of utter marvel…some say a school master..some say a ghissu..some call it a stuffed potato. The pic has been labeled Humpty Dumpty..and Mr egghead too.

I card pics are the funniest of them all… I mean..all the people I know had something funny about their pics..some were fat..some were drunk..some were slapped..some were dead…

So you tell me..who has a better snense of humor…god or the photographer. Comment is a must..

I was running out of reasons…why we were not watching this movie ‘Jane tu..’ It was getting more anf more intense..ugly and finally it was the limit. I was dragged out of my comforts and sent straight to the nearest theater .. liberty (remember the blasts in delhi??) All congested roads of delhi wer swallowing my petite santro. I I was out now in the open..all the dumpster gunda types were assembled to whistle and oggle at the new katrina kaif poster.

I was in ..their was no queue..was there a balcony …( imean wid places like these u just never know). Yes glad there was. Show timings were nowhere to be found.

“Excuse me can u pla tell me the show timings”

The man behind the safe glass was a bearded middle aged man who was not very happy with my question.

“have you never been to a movie you…?. 4 shows…get it. 12,3,6and 9..” pointed at the dilapidated LCD display .

“Oh..ya..the bomb..I am sorry”

“Where….where……!!”

“Nothing just…never mind!! so …shows…mmmmmm 6 pm 4 seats please and how much would it be??”

“Are you new to this place…?? Oh I see…you are the multiplex crowd. You with your stupid english better leav my theater or else i will i will……….”

“Excuse me.”

“You idiot…english again…what the hell you dumb ass dont you get what i say.. just pay me fetch tickets and never let me set my eyes on your face…you..”

“You knw wht..just gimme some the tickets..and i will be going..I detest your stupid theater with the gunda raj going all over… your stupid single screen and chairs with no leg room is stupid..you kno that?”

“Have a nice day..” he said..out of i dont know…his compulsive obligations I suppose or may be he was too idle to have not picked up a verbal.

“The poor guy doesnt even knwo the show timings…..ha ha ha..the multiplex going crowd…..dnt come here….go and ave theose 50 buck popcorns in stupid plexes where you all packed in a cage like chickens to be beheaded ha ha ha ha ..”

I was in for the movie now…4 hours since the war of the words.

It started of nice…and then I went to pee. when I came back..i missed nothin..they were still tryin to convince each other. Then i went to the coffee and when I returned they were still in clubs dancin and all.

There were times when I wanted it to forward it….but the narrative ws good..actors were well cast and ya music was hummable except for one song which gave me a “nothins gonna change ma love ” feeling. Ending was a sheer deperation to serve some utter nonsense. Abbas tyrewala delivers these nonsense 15 minutes of brainless hindi masal better than david dhawan which totally ruins the movie. It builds up all the magic and then bursts it like..na na na na na..we were all joking. dnt kno the name but some brother…was good with acting. Acting was good…I mean…it was a decent movie gone way out of your hand.

The wrong rear

“Lets make this world a better world for you an d for me…come on people..lets do some quota..”

And docotrs and engineers to be were all red..flushing with anger. They took out all the banners and the strike was called on…again.

“Its always been a survival of the fittest in the mother Earths divine bosom…its time the species blessed with a fairly superior mind must implement this quota to restore the balance of nature. They are alredy having human rights for apes in Spain…its time we give some quota to them too. 10% reservation of apes (2% to Chimps, 2 % to Orangutans, 2% to Indian Langurs and henceforth). Chimpazees have been exhibiting fairly good standards of decision making lets see if they could work on the inflation which is on the rise.”

Parrots (Macaus ofcourse) will hold a special quota in the call centers and telemarketing. Lions make good guards so all the bouncers are herby informed of some rough competition they are about to face.”

“But sir”, interrupted the advisor “We need to give more quota to people….people who wear people clothes “

“Its passe….I need to be different….you see..I will give quota to the lesser beings. The beings who are often eaten by the bullies. From now on…chciken have rights to sue you…and rip you pockets apart people. Beware KFC…the chic strike back”

And the crowd was all over them with applause…someone was not up for grabbing votebanks!

Peta was in now(so was India TV)….and they had people naked in support this time, covered in leafs an all. They even had the dog (which was chasing its tail in circles)…the Vodafone dog which they happened to rescue from the cruel kid who made the poor dog find her socks and lick stamps.

Finally..India was about to be the Utopia… when I woke up. I was no more on the podium…