The Wise one says…

I am so aware of the fact that this is going to be my…ultimate post for the year 2008.

I look back at the year with mixed feelings…of joy it brought me….and ofcourse some rejections…..some tough times….some epiphanies…..but I leave this year….being a different person. (I guess I am taking Evolutution to new heights)

I remember….the times…when I used to wonder bout people who watched all the seasons of Friends on their Lappies….and there were questions…and curiosities which I asked this new acquaintance of mine….

1. “So….an episode a day….pretending like its TV?”

2.”Do you watch the credits everytime?”

But…for better or for worse….I have outgrown them (Strange..I dont see to outgrow anything else… )

So…here is non-exhaustive wish list of mine….ofcourse in no particular order.

1. I would like to be…mm….get placed!

2.I would love to …get call from all the IIMs (I am just..motivating myself…you see….I dont have any)

3.I would not like to spend the valentines all alone….seriosly. (PS..How does one find a girl frnd? )

4.I would like to impress NSR again…and I would like to win an oscar too!

5.I want to earn something……..I dont see the way…as yet…but something I would cherish.

6.I would read more philosophy….. MY NEW TEACHER <<deep sigh>> has enervated a fling for philosophy…No matter what crap you wrote my frnd Derrida…..I am reading. ANd also..I will not read pulp fiction or mills and boons..or dan borwn……..”ANything for you mam!!”

I was not busy…just playing with the tiny hopper I had carved out of the tags I had plucked out of brand new pair of socks! And then…I was “summoned” in the hall. I do not give a great first impression to strangers….but I give a very good impression of strangers I have come across. It more of is the former case when you are introduced to new people.

So it were a couple of neighbours who used to neighbour around years ago. Now..they boasted of their destinies…as if they had an American dream since they had gills! The argumentative Indians were now the proud inscrutable Americans…..the goddess of small things admired the towering towers in the US of A which were colliding with planes every now and then.

“So…recession! haan? Did any indie neighbours killed themselves?? haan haan?”

That was what I said..ofcourse …I toned my sophomoric or is it sophomoronic frames way down.

“But…Obama is here…”  he said

“Yeah…he will be…there. Man got all eyes fixed on him. Had it been me…would have wetted my pants down there” I said…again..but of course…abiding by the rules…still not using the F word..the S word and….a number of A ..B…C words I had learnt.

“The Americans..the Non Americans, the .the believers…the people who seek change…the Alice and the inhabitants of the wonderland….Snowhite and all the dwarfs…..Dorothy and the tinman …the Narnians….all seem to have one answer to all the trouble..and chaos in this World. No it is not God!”

“Yes..its not! We the pseudo-agnostics keep looking up to our president elects….and the rest of the countries…just follow us. It is  A la Mode’ “

“So…whats your take on the Hamas?”

“Hamas..? Rightly bombed…friend”

“Mumbai?”

“Wrongfully irked. May they burn in hell”

“So…you think there was a difference between the men with guns open firing on civilians…and figheter crafts bombing a play school in Hamas?”

“Well..there always is… and thats why USA has adopted a policy…”

“Policy of treating other nationals like shit in their Embassies??? Acting as the rightful owners of this Earth…?….WHy…WHy..do the aliens attack USA military bases first in every Hollywood movie?….i tell you why…people there suffer from a disorder only megalomaniacs have. ANd like Hitler….Like..Stalin…LIke your own Saddam…it is not difficult to foresee the end “

“Oh..no! It is you…third world nations…Econmoically mating with every opulent nation…and when the sun sets…diverging to the other East”

“At least we dont send our troops marching by to far off places…to dig oil! We have..Oil ENgineers for that….who dig in the LIMITS “

“May..be all of them like me….are here in the US. Try your call centre exces……who  by the way are..not at peace with theur Indian identities”

“But they didnot move abroad becuase of their identities here in India. You must be a Roti gobbling Indian…out there…no matter how hard you praise their Pie!”

We fought amongst ourselves…for 8 hours straight …and then I woke up!

I watched an hour long presentation on Euthanasia. Not that I wanted to kill myself….but now…after talking to this microsoft grievance redressal employee…I felt like killing either one of us. Come on yar….this was going to be my “all fancy words post” BUT..Microsoft has proudly earned this post.

So…this Phil….had just two things to say.

“I would like to inform you that if a Microsoft product or software is pre installed or distributed with your computer, your primary source for support is the computer manufacturer who provided your Microsoft software.”1.

However, if you prefer assistance from a Microsoft Support Professional, you can contact them on a pay per incident basis at: (800) 936 5700. The working hours are Monday – Friday 5:00 A.M. – 9:00 P.M., Saturday – Sunday 6:00 A.M. – 3:00 P.M. Pacific Time

AP….and Khullar….two people I know….are joining MS..in bout an year or so…kick his ass…will you? and yes…fix this idiotic vista………

Its a blind man’s Vista..if you know what I mean.

It could have been the greatest day for the mankind…It could have been a new dawn for the whole human race….or A day…which would be soon forgotten. A day we would all..collectively forget about. or A day which we would just have lived off… PUFF….up in the smoke…..without giving any second thoughts to our little…imperfect…unfair lives. We could just have been as ungrateful…as we have been every second. lest…could have just been another dull….uneventful… peaceful day….

it was not…

Its been a month now….

Are we terrorized???

Are we afraid??

Are we afraid tazacat clad bearded man sitting next to you in metro?

Lets not give them one more reason……for every reason of hatred and disparity we propagate…they create one more Kasab.

wait….wait….let me recover from this laughing fit I had when my rotten brains came up witht this amazing title..for this post. I am sure…you feel it has shattered all the records of aptness..!

So…I am an MBA aspirant. I still am not motivated enough….but I think…having paid the al the money makes me a part this pride…nobody has to be proud of. Yes…we belong to the social section….who are a bunch of dreamy eyed…desperate…who are looking for some approval…its..pretty much…the reason.

So…having given a background to my MBA aspirations….read (Main Bhi Aaya!!)…I am supposed to have a keen interest in all the merger and acquisition activities….because that is what is going to shape up the future we are going to have. It is important…that there are no slumps and slowdowns…..sure…sure..Obama will take care of those..once he takes out all the beach sand from his shoes!!

So…Here are few MnA’s I am deeply interested in.

1.Sunil booting jobs from Apple and taking over.

2.Apple taking google over.

3. Siddhant taking MS over…strikes a deal with Foss. Foss…now called SOSS  (Selling open source softs)

4.Google and MS merge. Siddhant decides to mummify larry and Sergey

5.Google,MS,Apple all….came to DCE and hired a lot of interns. (Its a happy ending)

6. Meanwhile…somewhere in Cuba…. Nigam’s become the fasetes growing company dealing in authentic cuban cigars.

References : Most of the details are excerpts from the chat between Siddhant and… “Deep throat” , are plain truth….or a little disfigured  and distorted part of thereof.

Siddhant: helloz

me: kuch nahin yar

tu research kar raha hai?

Siddhant: oh shit. maine toh tujhe bta dia.

me: oh no

ooh….

then may be..I will join him

When the shadows have gloriously induced all my fate to “Kumbkarna’s” nap, I find myself…jobless….prideless….insecure..and what not. The mullahs at Muridke might see a potential terroist in me..but I have noplans to do so whatsoever.

We all have over-speculated about how this Economic slump is ripping us away of our warm baked dreams, but I think for people like me…this might be the best opportunity to chase theirs.

I bet, most of us….The Indians…will never be able to justify the reasons of us taking a particular course. I think ..I would have loved to pursue an English hons..(I dont understand…the fine line between my aspirations….and my aptitude)… but see…I am nowhere close to it.

I…would someday…would come up with a book. I dont know..whats it gonna be about…but someday….I promise myself..that I will come up with one. Not because…someone would love to read it….not because..I want people to read it….just becuse…I wish to. Not that I am the best…Not that..nobody else is going to..but because I want to.

SO…these are the potential subjects for my book….which I may write.

1.About cricket…!! Journey of a boy..who hates every bit of cricket.

2.amour? bo’f ! About a single guy…sick of his committed friends and their cuddly..mushy love affairs!

3. Their Google story! About…our very own…Sergey and Larry. Someone will have to write a book..after you guys ..take Google over!!!

4.Idiots Guidebook to living. ALl the mistakes..you are making in your life.

5.How Prateek Nigam got pissed…. recovered…then got pissed again!! The making of a potential unsociable…pretentious…psychopath.

“The servant murdered and ran away with the hot chic!”

Trust me…going for a thriller…having read such remarks..is still better

then what I describe of

And I attribute the syllogism(ooh…my new word today) to the following premise

1. There were spoilers all over.

2.There was no signage for spoiler alert

I accuse the not so highly reputed Career Launcher of mislaunchin most of us to the pluto land in the very first logical reasoning class.

To be precise, it was mere reduction of the beautiful and elegent problems into some cheap…rehearsed…dead…and ragged questions as in the math papers we had in 10th. May be that works for alot(read BRAIN DEAD)..but people….it was like knowing it all without using your head…without knowing it inside out.

I have some weirdest analogies to what happened…so please read at your own risk…and my apologies for any offences taken(none by me ofcourse)

1.  It was like….a laser surgery….a fake project…a fake training…uncooked chicken ….stale fish..rotten carcass…..

2. Ever heard of foreplay?….There was none!

I could just be too descriptive….but…tryin to avoid…being labelled as the pervert of the century!

Meanwhile….solved some of the questions…and cant happen to agree more than Abhishek…..”I love English…I love Puzzles”

hasnt been as cold as it used to be…. but may I dont feel the cold…coz I wake up at 12!

hasnt been as great as it used to be in school….probably coz one sucky viva and yes…the training blues .. lack of either training or blues.

hasnt been as idle…and vacant it was in previous years. Since ..I finally decided to learn some skills mentioned in my resume

have been watching lot of movies….on HBO. Ya….its lame…with all the commercials and..incessant presence of people hovering around the TV…waiting to catch me red handed ..with HBO on..if you know what I mean!

BTW..Just watched…A few good men …and cant seem to get Jack Nicholoson’s Dialogues out of my mind…

“You want me on the wall….You need me on the wall. You sleep under the blanket I provide. Honest and Loyalty and code and freedom are just punch lines for you…so that you dont have to talk about blood and gore at parties….but deep down inside…you want me on the wall….you need me on the wall!!  Either you take a weapon an d guard that fence ..or let me do it for you…what the bloody hell you are entitled to!”

Next time when you wish to assess the fidelity quotient of your spouse… do not drain your bucks on Eagle Eye spy Agency… Go for a makeover instead. A pair of skin tight jeans, real short skinny(read tight) T shirts…and lame ..really lame and cheap shades would do.

People…I just described the whole story of Rab ne bana di…

ABout Bandi:

Shes cute, pretty, decent actress but cannot deliver the solo shots. Some paper claimed her as “poor man’s Katrina” ..but I say she is nice to look at…acts well too… I am not complaining at all!

ABout Vinay Pathak:

The man is good…delivers some of the best moments in the movie. Would have loved to see more of his character. Undoubtedly…Vinay Pathak steals the show at times…infuses life into some of the scenes.

The Music: Disappoints. Except for the song ‘tujhme rab’. Surprisingly, movie claimed to be a musical at the beginning…and falters at music.

The Dance: Not much of dance there….. Shiamak Davar….you kiddin me?

The Sumo Wrestler: Horrible…Horrible…. Whose Idea was it?

The Multistarrer song: I dont wanna ruin the fun people…keep figuring out ..who all were there. But….as I said….Bad Music!!!! A couple of hotties underutilised….but…(Yes…I am leaking it..) Kajol looks cute.

Finally SRK: Loved the common man…hated the wannabe . Sharukh delivers in pieces…and loses at times becuase of sloppy script.

And then….watch the movie yourself to find out…if…they win the dance competiton??  Thats what we all are most intersted in..arent we.