The Wise one says…

This post can be called a perfect dear diary post…my day..as I went back to CP.

The month of retraint, culminating my urge to step outside into the circles and radials of the white washed vicinity in the heart of Delhi, May was really depressing. But here….CL was calling me again. This re-discovery of the long lost companionship between my CP and me…my wanderings and me…made me write about it. Prateek Nigam…the super tramp!

TO begin with, if nothing good comes out of our Career launcher facet, I guess me and abhishek will have some real nice hours on foot we have spent on CP. Its every weekend….every day of weekend!! I guess if keep showroom hopping for a little longer, we might just be blacklisted from all the rbk showrooms…and the oxford bookstore as well. The street vendors already dont respond to our queries about books anymore. What we have not window shopped for….floaters, bags,backpacks…shirts….jeans….books….handsets. This man who sells smiley and stress balls know us damn well. Coz its almost everyday he finds us going through the latest smileys..and the inscriptions on them. Now I know it wont be high paying job..but A career in smiley design will definitely fulfil the creative void that my prospective job (conditions heavily apply) would leave.

I have spent so much time on the media mart outlets that media mart guys at three different metro statitions know me and they know what I am going to jump at…books with discount on them! I availed a 70% discount on account of stock clearance drive they are having right now. Feels so good to hold an orginal print acquired at sub hundred prices. Witch of portobello and Blink are what lie beside my coffee mug right now.

At the kashmere gate metro station…a bird pooped on me…and this green pudding cannot exactly be stated as a divine intervention in mylife..but if the ancient indians believe that getting covered in cow dung is auspicious…my paganistic insticts allow me to shift my allegiance to these birds (some of which I might have eaten as well). People kept staring….there was this group of college students who were so happy to see my shoulder covered in droppings that they couldnt stop pointing at it. Less do they know who never had the humid pudgy feeling you get when the strap of the bag presses upon the green asia map on your shoulder.

So…that was pretty much it..bout me getting back to the CL. Actually had a lot of fun in the English class….after days of nothingness….safe to assume that we were on a roll…guzzling up the limelight and as far as the englsih class is concerned….impressing the teacher has always been the all that matters!

So….Had sent hell lotta resumes to huge number of start ups. And a couple of days back, got a mail from this startup which I hadnt even sent a resume at.

Feels good to have got a reply for some internship….there may be a dearth of internships this summer but to know that you may be needed feels wonderful. This company..is a startup dealing in video databases and content retrieval sort of profile and they are looking for “young , talented and bright” people to work on projects and stuff.

So..arranged an interview..and from the first question…they fired a couple of rounds which I could not recover from at all!! Asked some complicated sql questions…now turns out that sql we are used to is seriously not enough to answer there queries!! And then they wanted me to explain the projects I did…. but they were looking for web development!!

Absolute screw up.. 35 minutes, ears turning red…black outs….confused…puzzled!! It takes one question to mess it up….and I got that!
What all went fine…but I guess is not enough to save my ass…..were the question bout myself, my objective, and me being a little pompous at the technical terms they use (thanks to wikipedia) .

They need person who knows python…that works in my favour….but what goes heavily against me is that I will be the only person to work in python there!! So….chances are slim…Life sucks..

I am good at obtaining a chance at interview at times and fucking it up..bad!!

This practical I wass supposed to take finally got over…and boy did it went good or what..!!
5 experiments..and had performed none of them in the class (Infact…nobody did, hardly any teacher was bothered about the giving and taking and receiving and sharing of the knowlege about the microwaves and satellites).

Twisted are the brains of those who sit in chairs…
These people..and these HODs would always turn up for the viva no matter what. And they would want you to know every iota about the subject. Be it the theory or the practical or the apparatus (Speaking for microwave….it will give you creeps…the moment you try to make the slightest sense out of it, you are plunged in to the plethora of mathematical equations for which I have lost all my aptitude!) So..here in the morning I am cramming the procedure….I dont get a bit what is written in my file…and alas there are no readings as well. Havent operated a CRO in years..and a lab asisstant had a riot watching me and a friend dealing with the oscilloscope! Why dont they come with big bright clear labels!!

God I was lucky to get the only experiment I knew, and then my favorite person in the college took the viva. Not that he is all sugar coated…he has threatened to fail me twice , and humiliated me last semester during the practical exam. But it turned out just fine!!

You know…when you think you know..and it just aint so is what causes deep trouble. I knew what he asked…I just got lucky! And ..I am really happy bout it.

Listen to this song…doesnt it creates an eerie sense of emptiness…yet a little hope! I think I might plunge into depression…or be a philosopher  (for worse).

I dedicate this song to all the success….all the glory…all the happiness which has come to define the manifestation of a primate on this huge rock …yet fails  to acknowledge our being…purpose…. What are we really here for…!!

Song….hurts!…coz…its telling me everything I do…I have been doing…and probably will be doing forever.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Here I was…my head bursting with searing pain. These people at college make me sit at the most inhuman locations. Stuffed dusty room and the seat I get is the one at the corner. Dingy…dusty and just plain uncomfortable. I am supposed to be writing a paper…provide me with human basics for a couple of hours…am I really asking you to reach for the stars here?? The sweat…the stench and then this paper they so shamelessly hand over to us. I mean….couple of times it felt like a very bad extempore competition. I had no clue…the examiner will have no clue. Whatever I write will not be read and there goes a tree wasted….

ANyways… now it feels like collective amount of the incorrect meaningless sentences…would give even shobha de a hiccup. After all we challange her at one thing we thought she was good at. Anyways…we still manage to make more sense than she ever did.

The analogies people….I have some notes..which I am saving for this entire life. The analogies which have been very innocently put in place is are the best similes you can find. (PS: I call them oxymoronic similes…which in itslef is an oxymoron! think)

Quoting the lines from text:
“Inheritance in the classes is the tendency of a class to derive some of its features from the parent classes. Yet comprising of unique characteristics. Such as the class of mammals can be further divided into dogs,cats and human. All dogs, cats and human can eat,drink,sleep etc but dog are different from human are different from cats yet alike”

This is what they are teaching the third year in information technology to the people who have proved (or not) there sanity by cracking the entrance.
Believe me..we are made to sit in a class..where teacher calls me “Parteek”, and other notable spin offs which keep us giggling throuout
“Perduct..” “Coast benefit analysis” and one person who can call the Ice cream company …by the way they want to be called (or not!) “Kwaality”

I know ..I am sitting in your class. But do not judge this act of mine as my innate inability of classifying people into people’s box. I am just having a hard time putting you in the right spot.

I never thought in my entire life..will I say “Rain Rain go away…” (Now..you know her name)

She is the one…I just cant stand in the whole college. The other day..she was assigned to take our final viva. I mean..it was better if you had asked me to lick the floor! She had some questions prepared..and she kept asking from that list. She doesnt teach us…and she doesnt even have the idea of what she teaches us….how in the world she is going to know about this other paper??

Talking of the vivas…..the software engineering viva…was the craziest viva. The one whos is taking the vival…Iceman!

“What if we dont have the risk analysis in the process model”
before..I could answer this question….this guy next to me hops in to say this

“Sir….usme….sir….usme…model is used for making systems for security. And if there is no risk analysis..country pe attack hoga”
The guy who answered is the oompa loompa of the IT department.

What???? Are you kidding me. there you go…barkha dutt you have someone you can call on “we the people” ’s war episode.

It left me with bewildered expressions…and it got this teacher nodding in agreement. Yes Yes…I understand this gravity of the issue that had just been raised on a burning afternoon in a room with no fans and non functioning ACs in the middle of the software engineering viva. I wanted to slap the examiner the hardest for nodding !!

I mean..who is teaching us?? 2007 passouts. Just a couple of “teachers” in true sense are left here…and they too are getting married. And people really dont remain the same after that. I mean..this real knowledgable person…who is just so amazing at the algorithms lecture….left us animating a hammer. Come on..even zoozoos are people in rubber suits! Why would I wanna bang a hammer on the wall when the door opens in my final practical!

I think..this is all the difference between a street smart and the book taught. So much for a degree???
They make sure..that by the time you acquire it..you are stuffed with contemption, deprived of your capabilty and even less sure than you were when you entered this prestigious ….fake…pompous college!!

hi guys….

Publishing a new blog…

“to err is binary”

to err is binary!

Me and my friend cant split a pie..see…?? haan??? wht do we do then??

Do I tell the pie…dare I not.. oh my god..oh my god.. oh my god!! wht will the pie think?? what will will the comrad think??  The tacit brotherhood one falls into grows on and expects  a certain level of fidelity…..but what about the pie?/

I know you…say…there are a lot of pies in this world…forget the apple..gor for the blueberry! But what if its the apple pie I want.  Should I……??? Should I not??? what do  I do..what do I do..what do I do…?

In our lives..we have something we look back at and say ouch. Not becuase it was painful then..but because it is painful now…and it hurts mentally to recollect the incidence with every possible detail. One ouchie moment as I would call it was an arranged period in 7th standard.

I was a Science whiz, and I wont be humble bout it coz I have lost all the fizz now! SO….thats something I cling on to.

I cleared couple of olympiads…(couldnt get farther than th third round or so..) but still….Kendriya Vidyalayas did get something to celebrate bout. I always got the cent percent score in the end term papers…and that was a record none of my competitors could come a bit close to. HA!

SO…My Science teacher adored me. Safe to say that I was her  pet…no I really was. I was the one to carry the test tubes…I was the one to waved my hands like crazies when she asked a question (Sorry for the eye by the way).

Here was this arrangement as we used to call it in school lingo…and she was the one who was going to take another 40 inutes that day. Here were we expected to share some laughs…crack a joke or two to spend the time.  The class as we know is always ready for such an exibhiton of their insanity. Some santa jokes…some weird  Ramu acts..and then I raised my hand. I had to be the last comic standing.

Do you know..kids that age pick up anything…from anywhere. They just dont realise what they say…its only years later they understand what they had said. So..here was something funny on my mind…I got it from those Shekhar Suman shows which used to air those days..and…I repeated it.

” Mam…I would like to share a joke”

“Sure..go ahead”

“There was a Ramu…and a Madam”

Madam:”Ramu get something to drink for me”

Ramu:”Yes madam”

And Ramu barges into her room.

Madam:”Ramu…dont you have manners? What If I was changing”

Ramu:”That..I always check through the key hole”

The class burst into a hauji sort of noise which I took for a laughter and applause. I wasnt scolded….

I could see the weird expression mam had….and the weird expressions on the faces of those gaunt “failiure” boys  who seemed to have attained puberty when they were wetting their diapers . I didnt understand the joke..back then…how offensive it was and how it jumped the barriers of decency. I discovered a whole new genre for classroom jokes. I was the columbus of the  wanton land.

I look back…and think what was I thinking??

You know..Some may think I am dying or something..and thats the reason I am making an effort to upload my life on the web…(Seen Max Knight the super spy?? Dont). ANyways…No…It wont take one DCE to kill me.

So…here am I back on this time machine…and I remember having some mommmy issues in my school.

Some of us would just pass out on the thoughts of having our mother teach in our own school, but…I made it and how! I had my aunt teach me in the Kinder Garten…my mom taught me in my school…..and I turned out the way I am..some would call it a painful experience but it had its upsides.

Being a teacher’s ward…is real cool when you are in I standard. I remember sleeping through the maths class…and teacher wont wake me up coz…she was my mom’s friend. I could go to the staff room any time of the day…whatsoever the reason may be. But I was faced by this moral dilemma…even before I got to know the word. SHould call her Mommy…or…Madam. My brain was split in halves..pulls me here…there, some times I just said Mammy!! It was embarassing to call her Mommy….weird to call her madam.

No..I didnt got to see the papers. She used to make them right next to my room.,.and yet it delivered a couple of shocks. She caught me cheating in the paper as well, I didnt knew the flying mammal.

When I was in 8th standard…I got really bad marks in Sanskrit. I got 67. I was so so scared of her..that I didnt told her bout the marks. This is a downer guys…one thing why your parents should not be in your school! She got to know…the next day but she choosed to play the game. One day…it happened….and I got scolded….so so scolded for that. My Sanskrit teacher hated me…and here were I and my mother talking about how I careless I have been.

Final papers…..you write…you submit….and next day…I could tell from her glance that she knew my marks! SHe always knew them, and this is where all the nerves begin to crack on you. You know that she knows…you know that you got Q2 b) wrong. SHe knows you werent paying attention when she was making you learn those “lata lataya latayam”.

And then..there was this time..whn you can sense the hate. Except for your frnds…people just hate you in general. Because they think that you think that you own the school.

Once..I called my 6th grade Science teacher mommy…when the whole class had started to laugh!

It was fun actually. The relationship I share with all my mom’e colleagues who used to teach me. 

Once when why Math teacher in 6th grade said “Ask your mommy..to get me glasses to read your petite minuscle scribble”. I did! I got her my Dad’s old pair of spects.

This post..just has no end to it…coz…I guess..such experiences have know end…I mean…with me…anythin and everything can happen.