The Wise one says…

Such a strange world do we live in…where apparently the kids have to protect their parents from all the vulgarity thats been shamelessly up for access on radio, TV, newspaper and every conceivable form of media.

“Sach ka samna? No mom..watch your shadi wala serial…way better”
“What?? outlook really got delivered this week?? I dont think so..”
Dont know how many times i have hidden outlook in my cupboards..whenver they do their infamous c-fore surveys.

Once I remember a school friend of mine had to stop his mother from watching this John Bipasha movie (titled Jism). Me and my sister had to stop our mom from watchin Fashion…coz you know..
It can be odd, for them to see all this weird to see them watch this pop culture.
Once my Dad caught us watching roadies , when this girl was cursing one of her fellows in the manner which could put anyone to shame, to which my dad said “See…these girls…these days”

Its getting worse I tell you,
there are no birds and bees, it happens, you see it.
It happened ,you talk about it.
It is about to happen, you see them building it all up it.
No one seems to be drawing curtains these days.

My mother couldnt possible bear the thought of letting us watch Raaz (the first one). Titanic was supposed to be an excursion, but then no one could stop kate from dropping it all..in the middle of the screen…on your face….with your mother sitting by your side. Awkward/. And that is why me and my sister have come up with this pre approved content which is approved when the sun goes down. What all your parents can watch/read/listen to.
Clearly nothing on star world, no no..no Zee cafe (Mum would freak out at the name of sex and the city), no Z studio only harmless imagine and regular stuff. So we have given the parental control a complete new twist.

Once when my mother insisted on watchin Dev D, to which my sister happend to say ” Mom…its not your type”.

One day discussing with my sister I happened to talk all the irony in our lives, I said..
“Kiddo..listen up. You cant control them. They have to face the reality some day. You cant keep them protected…all the time. They will surf the channels when you are not home… Better be at terms with it. Its their life too . Let go “

For once in my life , I am at this crossroads, and my choice right now will be the major parameter in shaping my future. There is no way I can assess them on their primality in determining my future, walking them down seems the only way to tell them apart. They seem busy, all of them seem overcrowded.. what if I get lost..

Cant afford to lose myself. Took me years to be the way I am, and loosing it all to numbers and figures banal reality of life is something I am afraid of. Why cant I be here…for a couple of years more. Why cant all of it just stand still, why cant they let me sit..and stay where I am. Why sun rises every day and pushes me one inch closer to the uncertain.

This is precisely what happens to the ones like me: Unsure
How many movies would it take for me to believe..

The ghosts of pessimism under the veil of practicality haunt me by day, trouble me by night.
Cant I just skip it and see what happens in the end?? or what happens right before the end..
would I be rich? would I be happy?? Had been a movie only.

I dont have the curiosity, dont have that fire, lost that passion. Caught in limbo, move those strings you puppet master, make me dance…
Dead inside…seriously. No hope. No curiosity. Nothin at all to look forward to. Its cold, its dark..its lean.

“Of all the things I could have been, see what have I made of myself”

I think I am suffering from one. Dotn have much to write about, am so disinterested in everything. I just want to space out and do nothing. No thinking..no straining your eyes watching TV, no studying …nothing at all.

Opening shot and boom, the movie hits you hard with its naviete. react to its honesty, after all this life indeed is a “kutti cheez”. Loud action, over the top background music gives it a tarantino edge. First 30 minutes were boring, confusing. Bharadwaj bombards you with so many characters, and such a complicated sequence set in the hotel (which infact serves as the basis) that you are left confused. The movie paces up in the later half, gaining the momentum towards the end when evidently the director tries to explore funnier sides in the middle of a bloody gang war. Be prepared to see a prime “Heroine” use a machine gun.

As far as story is concerned, I think could have been more polished. What has not been achieved in the script is compensated for in the character detailing and casting. Yes, cast is a usp here. With Amole gupte as the marathi chauvinist and those police inspectors…expect a lot of standards when it comes to performances. Brilliant. Leads?? Shahid pulls his personal best as Charlie, and Priyanka does her act well whenever she was given some screen space.

Climax is worth a kill. And it has so many kills.. The high point for me was the grand entry of the Bangali Band with their high end precision guns…fabulous. Bharadwaj mixed some of my favourite ingredients… africans+diamonds+drugs+gangs and since I find them all towards the end…I would say that we dont have such cinema in India..until just now.

If you have not watched kaminey..you dont know what you are not talking about!! Go…catch it. Its high paced…edgy..loud and rambanctious Hindi movie!! It is after all the modern Sholay…

What if everything you believed in , is taken away from you?? What if the spider wanted its powers back from the spider man?? What if the superman had to return his cape?? what if the wind beneath your wings was to stand still some day?? Do you have something else up your sleeve?

What are we doing on this Earth. We all seek meaning in our lives, somehow,..anyhow.

Baptise anything that moves,
earn till you burn,
give into sybaritic
craving,work and flush with pride,
get married, dont think.
you might just die in a blink.
Choose your pick??
How do you want to live it.

Be an altruist…work for others…because others will not.
Be a capitalist…who needs poor?? who are these poor anyway?
Enter a nuptial. Who needs to think twice? Procreate, cook, watch tv and die.
take a job. work..drive..sleep..work.
Research. we all can use some more obfuscated perspective because you worked them out.
write a book. whose time can you waste besides your own??
sit home..watch tv….dry the retinal fluid for once and for all.
do some charity…show them how poor are they.

Told you..make a choice. No matter what you do, you dont serve anyone but please yourself…

To Live free my friend is a concept long lost. We would never know how to work our way out of this society that has been brought over us…..aged..matured…intoxicating society..makes you think strong…but is keeping you tied in real….ripping of one thin you were born with….your basic instincts. Now you know why I was talking about the superman and the cape??

“I am so happy..all my friends are getting placed….X Y Z… ” it says one of my friend’s profile
“Thanks hey! Jaldi se join the list” said one of X,Y,Z…

Is it just my paranoia or am I really sensing a weird tone here.

“All of us have had babies…bear some babies now” a 90’s hindi movie for sure
or
“Come join us… we have cookies..” – minions of the anti christ
or
“Under the water our voices so deep, take your thing from our keep” – The mer-people

Just last night, I had a dream that one of my friends whoh got placed in ZS associates was dancing in front of my eyes…while I ..still was dressed in formals all soiled from the repeated attempts at several companies.
I come to college and see the first ones to be placed, sitting right there…outside the canteen…or roaming around in groups…not bothered…..having had there luck shine upon them. Yuck..

Right after I couldnt make the cut for atrenta…our placement representative came to me and said…”Yar..I had so much hope from you….what happened..?”
And I wanted to say..
“err….a bird flew by..and pooped on me. And I couldnt see a thing. Thats why!”

I dont understand…this question why. Why you couldnot get through….what wrong(s) did occur? Well..had I known…I wouldnt have let them have graced the occasion..dont you think so??

ZS GD lingered on this week. As people told me…that people wondered/asked/mocked/lamented/… that nigam couldnt get past the GD round. Well…I am telling what happened now..

1. I dwelled on the philosophical grounds…drew literary analogies…with passion. Struggled with points.
My opening was “Infrastructure, is skelton, cage like, and hollow. If this bottleneck is indeed removed, do we expect ourselves to be in the same league with US?? I dont think so”

2. I spaced out. Couldnt think. Bored.Disengaged. GD was dull….people were needy..irrational…(I being the most irrational)

3. I concluded.
“Compare super 30 which churns the brightest minds in India, with DPS RKS..the mass produced factory of refined minds…nowhere when compared to super 30. Who has the infrastructure?? and who needs the infrastructure? DIfferential growth is what holds us back. and paying all our attention to infra building is not a solution in entirety.”

My fault…my line of thought never took a flight, I remained dead still on my rigid, inflexible thought. Conclusions are better free from analogies…and dont get carried away in emotions… because I also added

“And I think its better if we infuse a lot of compassion in our children…no point in making bridges that collapse or engineers who just dress up well”

Enunciate…..which I did not. I talked abstract.

GD

Probably not what I was thinking right when I was kicked from the GD round.
What??
Me…how could they possibly do that…I am so good at discussions.
But that day…I was not. dont know why? high on sugar or something…but I was not articulate…I was not convincing…I was tthrowing my head with passion..not quite what a consultant should do. So..I couldnt make it through in GD round..and got cut.

I saw it coming rightaway…right there at GD..when I saw people wrapping up their final thoughts..and when I compared it to what had I done…I knew it..I didnt match up to any of them. BIngo…Learn some statistics Nigam!!

Everyone from IT had made it..but I and this girl (who wasnt really given a chance to say anything…). That was a GD or was it a cotery of people clawing at each other…biting each other’s arms. And then this guy…who just wont leta any one speak.

I also happened to have a spatial disadvantage..sitting on the right most corner…left me out of discussion most of the time.

I collected my broken hopes…kicked them goodbye. Zed ass is probably not where I am meant to be. Alright..big deal.

Good for all those who made it….who are excellent speakers by the way. May be,..some other company…some other time…

You know…I was in Civil Engineering when I joined this college. And I got upgraded to IT. Not that I am regretting…I would have killed myself at civil (at least thats what I think now..) but…I survived IT didnt I?

Yes. If you call salivating fo jobs, keeping your formals ready all the time, Logging onto resume manager every half an hour…I bet most of 2k6/IT has survived.
But am I really in the need of a job?? I would say…for money yes. For independence yes. But I cant go beyond that.

I am not one of those people who are comfortable with the change. Inertia does its bit for me… I resist…me being pushed into this world of jobs..and careers…
I dont know. I am scared.

And what if I dont get placed…?
I made a theory….
that out of 180 comp/IT people, if a generous 179 companies visit…and induct just one person each (my pessimism), I will have to wait for 180th company…which maths would say ..it just might drop by to lick the platter…
but I dont see 180 companies coming..so I am bound to be left..at DCE…alone..jobless…with just a BE degree.

Whatever happened to my plans of being rich…!?

You know these people with brains??? With their fancy brains…they walk and ruin it for me…I might just cry the next time if I see same set of people getting through each paper…turn by turn.
I know they will secure a job..which could have been mine. And then they will leave for a cool B school….and that position..could have been mine…a fidel…a prospective hoover junkie who would have not have the need to go to the soup house…

PS: I dont want you to be sorry…and please no consolations here.

]

I dont shop.
If you see me everyday…you probably know how many pairs of jeans I own. Because I dont really care as long as I am wearing something.
But yet once or twice, I would suffer this compulsion of going to a stationery shop, and spend a lot on absolutely useless things. I bought these four packs of stick ons (which by the way..my sister makes ample use of. She loves to write “Kalpana was killed” and stick them all over my desk) Other than that..I never have used them. Then these fancy sharpners ( funny..i dont use pencils)

We have never been the mall hoppers. Owing to scarcity of malls in the area I live, nor do I have an urge to go to a fancy show room and buy a pair of sneakers. Practically….honestly…I live off merchandise. Bags..shoes..everything.
You know about those DDA market places they set up in each loccality, I have always shopped there. ANd I am kind of a guy who buys everything under same roof. Get over with all the shopping and bingo..I am home in no time. On the contrary (and I think its true for all the ladies out there), my mother and sister would roam around for hours and hours. And then they would go trhough every thing in every shop and then probably buy nothing. “Its market surveying you know” once my dad said to me. “This what they love..”

But I didnt and dont.

I never join them. I am usually waiting in the parking, pacing up and down.. (often mistaken for a person who wants to pee urgently).

I remember when I was young..there were these two shops one was called “Neha’s games store” and other was “Seema’s stationery”. I used to love both the shops so much..and often confused between the two. To which my dad mockingly said “Pray that you wife has some name other than these..”
Seema’s stationery is I think the most honest and soulful shop I have ever been in. Also I bought all my potter books from there only ..something that connects me to that place. Its small..cosy. I know the people who have been attending the counters, I know the lady… its comfy.
A great thing about these small cramped market places is that people have goodwill there. My mother would visit the same shops for all her sarees and stuff…and would avail hefty discount all the time. My dad runs into this tailor of his…the only tailor all my uncles and cousins have gone to (but I?? and custom made clothes?). Its pleasant there…watching the sky..and the cluster of bad wires hanging loose from the poles, occasionally I step into the puddle..but I smile..and I say..”hey I have been here before”.